IT HAS BEGUN. BRACE YOURSELVES.

It was inevitable.  I had to make a blog at some point, so I guess now is as good a time as any.

For those of you unfamiliar with "The Lance", consider yourselves lucky.  If you leave now, you will be avoiding a rabbit hole of epic proportions.  If you're into punching yourself in the face, slamming your head into brick walls, or any other form of cranial self-destruction, you might not mind it here so much.

So for the longest time (like, AT LEAST a couple years) I have been a wargamer.  I took a pretty long hiatus to do other things (have a life, party hard, drive fast cars, do non-nerdy things, etc.), but recently, the toy soldier virus has besieged my nervous system once again, forcing me to paint little metal and plastic dudes,  spend WAY too much time thumbing through complicated rulebooks, and roll fistfuls of dice as if my life depended on it.  Initially, I settled back into my old vices, namely the games of a certain British company that shall remain unnamed.  However, in their infinite wisdom, these fine, nameless chaps have decided to escalate their policy of violating their customers' naughty places through price increases and legal dickery over their oh-so-holy "intellectual property".  Such business practices leave a fairly nasty taste in my mouth (not unlike three week old porcupine bile mixed with Taco Bell cheese sauce), so I have decided to jump ship.

And what ship would I be jumping to?  Well, just about anything would be better than letting They Who Shall Not Be Named continue their rectal spelunking adventures into my bank account.  ANYTHING would be better than that, even blowing all my cash on vintage Risk sets and ivory Monopoly tokens, so I figured I had plenty of game systems to choose from.  Of course, there was just one little problem.  The systems I was leaving behind were fairly awesome.  Say what you will about the "bean counters" that are driving the company into financial insanity, their settings were awesome.  Like, getting shot in the face by a nuclear-powered 12-gauge shotgun firing double aught pixie dust shells.  Seriously, when you have characters who wear HATS MADE OF FIRE, and wield MAN-SIZED CHAINSAWS with underslung FLAMETHROWERS, duking it out with mutant monsters in the underbelly of a miles-tall city structure, on a shitty-ass planet that can be bombed into oblivion at any given moment by ships so big they fire TORPEDOES THE SIZE OF SKYSCRAPERS, you can rest assured that your setting is pretty much God-tier badass  So I needed to replace my former system with one at least as equally badass.  Otherwise, I would get depressed, and start drinking cheap whiskey again.  Cheap whiskey is bad.  I shudder just thinking about it.

I KNOW!  HOW ABOUT THAT WARMACHINE GAME EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT?  I HEAR IT'S PRETTY BADASS!

Okay, let's give it a look.  Hmm, steam-powered giant robots with magic brains?  That seems pretty awesome.  Your general is a faceraping warrior wizard who telepathically controls said magic-brained steambots?  Okay, I can most definitely live with that. I can get the models, books, and accessories from online stores for 20-25% off without having to call an order in by phone due to bullshit IP rules?  Music to my ears.  The motto for the game is "PLAY LIKE YOU'VE GOT A PAIR"?  Oh MYYYY </george takei>. I DON'T have to paint FIFTY FUCKING MODELS to have a viable unit?  Wait, you mean I can play a game with less than TWENTY models total, and it will still be fun?  Fan.  Fucking.  Tastic.

So far, so good.  Let's take a look at what models and factions are available....

Wait a sec, what are these Khador dudes?  Fantasy Russians?  With ushankas?  Giant robo-axes that freeze people?  Berserker convict squads with giant magic swords?  Fearless dudes in steam-powered armor suits with chainsaws/grenade launchers?  ANGRY SANTA CLAUS?  And THIS GUY?:

Fuck, sign me up, komrade.  Maybe it's about time I switched to cheap vodka.

Overall, I must say that Warmachine has impressed me greatly.  The rules, fluff, and models are all top-notch quality.  Their metal figures are heavy as FUCK, and even their plastics feel like they'd hurt if someone nerd-raged and threw one at your face (if you haven't noticed already, facial damage will be a key theme in this blog).  The rulebooks are full color, and available in hard and softcover.  Oh, and all the blisters/boxes come with stat cards.  That shit is just baller.  Privateer Press, you are rapidly approaching a "SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY" situation with me.

So yeah, this blog is going to focus mostly on Warmachine and my faction of choice: Khador.  Of course, there will be updates on other factions, and possibly even other game systems (Infinity and Firestorm Armada, I talking about you).  I will try to post pics of my painted models as well (such as my Butcher of Khardov model, from earlier, pic courtesy of Dan Scheirer and his awesome and expensive camera).  Hell, I might even throw up a few movie reviews, game reviews, and whatever strikes my fancy (Hey, it's my blog, right?  I DO WHAT I WANT).

Thanks for stopping by, Komrades.  Lance out.